Dear Manufacturers of smoke detectors,
Thank you so much for allowing the Department of Sadistic Tendencies to design the low-battery feature on your smoke detectors.
I especially like the feature where the detectors always--always--start beeping int he middle of the night when the battery is low. It's even better when it wakes one or all of my children around 4:30 am. But my favorite part is that they're designed, or so it seems, to beep at intervals so that by the time I drag my tired butt out of bed (or my kid starts calling me), to wander around in my underwear looking for the beeping noise, it has stopped. Not permanently, of course. Just until I give up, go back to bed, and am almost asleep. Then it will begin to beep again. It will beep about three times or until I get to where my kids' bedrooms are. I'll stand in the hallway--groggy and a little faint--listening to the different bedrooms for noises and I will hear nothing. I return to bed only to repeat this process until I get really angry and rip them all off or, as was the case last night, start removing the detectors one by one in an effort not to wake all my kids up. Naturally, it is the last one I get to--the one in the baby's room. By then, of course, I am thoroughly awake (as are certain of my offspring) and there is no chance that I will get back to sleep. In this way, I will be sure to know if my now completely un-alarmed house catches fire (through what would most likely be spontaneous combustion since none of the potential fire hazards such as the woodburner or stove are used in the middle of the night).
What a brilliant design. Thanks so much for ensuring the safety of our home.
Yours truly,
A satisfied and sleep deprived customer
No comments:
Post a Comment